


A Colloquy of Life, Death, and The Line Inbetween

by Valkyri



Category: Persona 3, Persona Series
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-20
Updated: 2016-01-20
Packaged: 2018-05-15 04:47:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5771875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Valkyri/pseuds/Valkyri
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The translucent line of mortality only gets thinner.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Colloquy of Life, Death, and The Line Inbetween

If you had asked me a year ago what my personal beliefs were on life, I would have told you that it was merely the clone of death - it existed, we experience it, that’s it. That’s it. The only difference between the two is one was admired and one was feared. While we get to experience life through mindful awareness, death ceases these pleasantries, and this idea alone strikes a chill down our spines. But does that mean death is any less different otherwise?

Seeing death since I was young, the fine line between the two has been faint. My parent’s death didn’t affect me like it should have - I accepted it wholeheartedly. I did not mourn at their passing, their funeral, or anytime afterward. My sister cried and cried on my shoulder, day after day, and I could not comprehend why. I couldn’t understand her fear of death...or possibly it was I couldn’t explain my lack thereof. 

As we got older, the thin line only became more transparent. The difference between the two seemed so slim, so non-existent that life seemed tedious. I lived for my sister, yes, then Yukari, then Junpei, and for every friend who came afterwards. But that was an obligation. Everyone possesses their own meanings for life outside the obvious, yes? If I was asked what the meaning of life was, I would respond with “I don’t know” - not in a philosophical sense, but simply because I had no meaning in mine.

I did not know what it truly meant to “live”. 

That was probably why when Ryoji announced that we had a choice to live our lives in ignorant bliss of the upcoming end, I didn’t care. How could I live in ignorant bliss of death when I did not know how to live? Everyone else had their own personal reasons for facing Nyx, but mine extended outside of fighting for life. Quite frankly, it did not matter to me whether I lived or I died in that moment. However, my friends and my sister clung onto our little field trip of consciousness - they understood life and its meaning, and it did nothing but inspire me to help them keep that. That’s why I made my decision.

However, once we all awoke the next morning and it was as though we were all strangers… My heart felt empty. This is what we fought for? I remembered Graduation Day, but… How could we hold our promise if I was the only one who recalled it?

Life only puzzled me more from that point on. Life continued, but it felt empty, much emptier than it had before. One day, Minako and I were walking to school, and she seemed to resonate joy and glee with our two close friends - our only two close friends - Yukari and Junpei. At one point, the four of us split up, leaving me and my sister alone. Her steps had some skip in them, humming to the theme of a grocery store commercial. My eyes were towards the clouds.

Suddenly, she muttered, “They’ll remember.”

My head swung to her as she smiled up at me. “They’ll remember, Toto,” she said, walking a few paces ahead of me. “They’ll all remember!”

I blinked. “You remember, Mina?”

“Of course I do,” Minako chuckled. “I don’t know why I remember and they don’t, but I do. You do too… Your eyes say so every time we’re with them. I’m sure mine do, too…” She voice lowered, but she spun on her heel to face me. “But, I try not to dwell. I know they’ll all remember one day… No one lives for life to get lost. Sure, we forget, but it’s never lost.” She let out a small smile before grabbing my wrist. “Come on! I’m hungry for some Wild Duck burgers, and I’m sure as hell not paying!”

As she dragged me off, I started contemplating life’s meaning for the first time since we moved to Tatsumi Port Island. Despite the troubles, the pain, and the losses, my sister managed to keep her chin high. She managed to keep her faith in life and its meaning. Despite all of this, she did not consider the idea of death, or the possibility that death equated to life. She believed in the fine line between the two.

The dawn of Graduation Day arrived, and when I woke up, my body was numb. Minako’s words had ran through my mind the entire night: No one lives for life to get lost. I didn’t understand what she meant when she initially said it. But, I began to recall our times with our friends - summer at the beach, the sleepovers, the typhoon, even our times in the Dark Hour. We struggled and faced the darkness that threatened to corrupt our hearts at every twist and turn...and when one of us was about to succumb to it, the others were there to help them see the light. Life.

Life.

Life.

Minako, Aigis (who remembered just as we did), and I all met on the roof, missing the graduation ceremony. I felt weak, my entire body almost collapsing on itself, so Aigis had me lay my head on her lap. Minako sat on the ground next to us, and we watched the clouds roll by, the wind blowing blossoms off of trees, and the beautiful cityscape that stretched out before us. They had been chatting for a while, but they soon grew quiet.

“Are you sure they’ll come, Mina?” I croaked, my voice cracking. I felt tired.

She didn’t respond at first. Maybe it was she didn’t believe they would anymore. But before she could open her mouth, Aigis was the one who answered for her. “Even if they do not come...” Aigis said. “...We still remember our times together.”

Minako smiled. “Yeah, Aigis is right!” she chirped. “As long as we remember, those memories will still be alive! They’ll still exist.”

“Yes,” Aigis agreed, nodding at my sister. “These memories are not lost… And they are not lost in them as well. Even if they never remember...those memories will help them live. Just as they have done with us.”

Aigis and Minako continued to eagerly chatter on the subject, but my eyes began to grow heavy. Their words raced through my head, however, round and round endlessly - memories. The memories of our friendship, our losses, our victories, our lives will continue to live. Nothing could erase this fact, alter this truth. These memories live with us. These memories are how we live.

They’re how we live. 

In that moment, in that faint moment before my consciousness lost me, I finally discovered my meaning. In that moment, as my eyes fluttered and my focus began to fade, my reason to live was found. That line between life and death suddenly became clear, so clear. Clearer than my vision that blurred Aigis’ golden hair against the bright blue sky. A memory. 

I desperately reached for my life, but no matter how far I stretched, I was faltering. A tear fell on my cheek, and my thumb brushed away another, one filled with a delicate mixture of melancholy and contentment. Their voices melded with the silence, their words nothing but muffled noises in my ears. It was already too late, and I was losing. I was foolish. I wanted to live. I wanted to wipe away more tears. I wanted to keep living. I wanted to see more smiles. 

I want to live.

I closed my eyes.

“Look, Aigis!” I heard Minako’s sweet voice. “Toto fell asleep.”

 


End file.
